"There is more treasure in books than in all the pirate's loot on Treasure Island." - Walt Disney

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Broken Angel

Rope and Wire just published my short story "Broken Angel".

This is the only western story I have attempted. If you have a chance, please swing by and take a look. I would really love some HONEST feedback. You can leave a comment below or a review at the end of my story here.

14 comments:

Tonja said...

Congratulations!!

Beverly Diehl said...

Hi Sylvia - what a fun story, and great twist at the end.

Two things missing for me - I would have liked Jake's horse to have a name. It seemed odd to me that he was caring for it so fondly and carefully and his/her name never crossed his mind, since we were coming from his POV.

The other (very minor)thing is it wasn't clear how many men were in the gang. Could've been 3-4, could've been 10 or more - but the dynamics (let alone food requirements) for a woman alone with 3 young children changes depending on that number, so some kind of clue or indicator would have been helpful, IMO. I guessed it was a smaller group, but it wouldn't take much to help the reader out, there.

All in all though, wonderfully fun story!

Melissa Ann Goodwin said...

Your story kept my interest all the way through. You did an especially nice job using dialogue to convey information and keep the story moving forward. I could see the setting and the people. I loved the twist and the surprise ending. Nicely done!

Sylvia Ney said...

Beverly - great tips. Thank you so much. I missed a great opportunity by not naming the horse. It seems so obvious now that I think about it.

Tonja and Melissa - thank you so much.

Rob-bear said...

Yup. Darned fine cowboy story. You certainly understand the genre.
I think Beverly picked up on a couple of points, so I won't re-cover them.
Happy trails and happy writing!

anthony stemke said...

I reviewed the story in the box at end. I thought it was for your eyes, but I was honest

It's a good story, I WANTED to keep reading to see what would happen next. The ending was tight, and not abrupt, like Elmore Leonard's stories.

Nelson Souzza said...

Hello! My first visit, will visit you again. Seriously, I thoroughly enjoyed your posts. Congratulations for your work. If you wish to follow back that would be great I'm at http://nelsonsouzza.blogspot.com
Thanks for sharing!

~Rasz~ said...

I really enjoyed that story. What a great ending...I think you did an awesome job. Congrats on this being published! You did a great western story. I would love to read more about Sarah and Jake in the future maybe????

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Sylvia .. congratulations and I love Westerns .. cheers Hilary

Sylvia Ney said...

Beverly - I just reread your comment about the number of men in the gang. The story DOES tell you how many there are - 10. I do still wish I had given the horse a name.

Rob and Hilary - Thank you for your comments. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Anthony - the mistake about the "Papa died" statement happened when the publisher uploaded it for me, but it has been fixed. Thank you and tipster for all of your comments and review.

Nelson - nice to meet you. I will stop by when I get a free moment.

Rasz - Thank you for sopping by and reading. You are not the first to ask for more about Jake. I'll have to think about it. A series might be fun, but I have so much on my plate now. I'll have to let that one simmer a while. ;-)

Nelson Souzza said...

Hello, I am a new follower. Thank you for stopping by!I wish you a wonderful thursday. Greetings from Rio de Janeiro/Brasil!
Literatura& LInguagens
http://nelsonsouzza.blogspot.com

Aimée Beatrice Jodoin said...

Congratulations!

li said...

Congrats - especially in taking a stab at a new genre and getting it published!

Nelson Souzza said...

Hello my friend! Always nice to come back to read your beautiful article. Very understandable , simple and elegant. I wish a excellent weekend for you, with very smiles and peace! Visit me too. Greetings from Rio de Janeiro/Brasil.